Listening
to Michel Rivard:

(...)
Pleurer pour rien
Sans s'fendre l'âme
Sans mélodie
Ni mélodrame

Pleurer pour rien
Laisser couler
Sans retenir
Sans y penser

Pleurer pour rien
Pour la musique
Jusqu'à la fin
Su'l Titanic
Pleurer l'matin
pour un nuage
En forme de rien
Dans l'paysage

Pleurer pour rien
Un soleil rose
un ciel magritte
Une page de prose
Pleurer pour toute
La vie fragile
Tout c'qui est beau
Et inutile

Pleurer pour rien...

pleurer le vide
La lune pleine
Le sang fluide
Dedans nos veines
Pleurer tout doux
L'énorme amour
La p'tit planète
Qui tourne autour
(...)

All by myself
Tom is about to go. He's working away from Madrid for two months this summer. I'll be here, trying to enjoy life all by myself. It's strange to think that we are going to spend so much time away from each other, considering it's the first time in 3 years. I'll miss him so much i'm not even going to write about it.

When i met him, he had started working at the paper. A few months later we started going out and it took us no time to find this appartment and move in together. Apart from trips and holidays, Tom and i have only been separated once, when i decided i needed to breathe alone and brushed him away for a few weeks. Then the river went back to its bank and we've been, well, swimming together ever since.

So it'll be strange to be alone like this the whole summer. I'll read, write, relax and try not to think to much. It should be a good experience if i manage to behave like a grown up. I'll keep you posted.

Guilt trips from the Friday Five

When was the last time you...

1. ...sent a handwritten letter?
That is a very hard question in this day and age. I can't even remember when was the last time. Probably it was a little note attached to a parcel sent for xmas. Pathetic.

2. ...baked something from scratch or made something by hand?
I'm not very good at baking, apart from the Oreo cake that comes straight out of the box!!! I can make great cocktails and lovely sandwiches, though.

3. ...camped in a tent?
Graduation ball at Montreal, summer of 1990. I'll go for a hotel with a spa if you ask me.

4. ...volunteered your time to church, school, or community?
I'm afraid i volunteered with money and not time, allthough i lack both!!! What is this question anyway? Are you trying to make me feel guilty? I already do. *Sigh*.

5. ...helped a stranger?
My mum said i should never talk to strangers. And i haven't seen anyone in trouble lately.

Things i did on my holidays

I got a tan. The type you can only get at the beach with a little breeze from time to time.

I swam, dived, played freesbe with Tom and drew on the sand.

I talked and laughed til not very late with Kurt.

I discovered i don't like martini. Sorry. I'll never be Pia, Mia or Sofia.

I discovered i like gin and tonics. It's my official summer drink now.

I had a kitch experience with the gang, visiting Six at her side of the beach, where we ate paella and drank tinto de verano.

I read trashy magazines and hell broke lose talking about Victoria Beckham. We all agreed we hate her.

I watched the ending of the Spain-Korea match. Disappointing experience.

I confirmed to myself that Altea is wonderful place to stay. For a few years, even.

I laughed hard at the tallest hotel in Europe.

ambivalence will be back BEFORE the autumn

In fact, ambivalence we'll be with you for most of the summer

ambivalence just wants a few days off to gather information and thoughts

ambivalence might even get a tan (not a pixeltan) and buy silly things at a beach market

ambivalence will bring you presents!!!

Unreadyness
Something always happens the day before you go on holidays.

1. I postpone the presentation of my project, due to lack of time and unpreparedness. That will give me something to get anxious about while i'm at the beach. It wouldn't be the same without a worry or two.

2. I don't have a voice. What looked like a big hangover yesterday has today become a temporary disease in which my voice hides and my throat is sore until three or four days have gone by. I know that part of my body so well i'm like a professional singer -except i can't sing at all. So you should email me if you want to talk to me.

3. My suitcase is not ready. I don't even know what bag i'm using which means i haven't really thought about the clothes i'm taking there. Great. I'll probably forget so many things that i'll end up strolling up and down the beach, wearing my bikinis 24 hours a day and no sandals. That's not such a terrible idea, is it?

PS: See ya in a couple of weeks...

Hands clean
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back the famous Friday Five...

1. How often do you do laundry?
A couple of times a week. It’s the ironing that I’m not periodical with. At all.

2. What's in a typical wash load?
All whites, all colours or all black. Then we hang the clothes about the apartment until they happily join the ironing pile.

3. Front or top loader? Powder or liquid detergent?
Front loader, squeezed into the bathroom. Powder detergent that smells of spring. I found out what spring smelled like by watching the adds for this detergent.

4. Do you use fabric softener in the rinse cycle?
The softener comes with the spring detergent. Maybe it’s the softener that smells of spring. I’m confused now.

5. Dryer or clothesline?
Will you please don’t get me started? There’s no room for a dryer in our apartment and Tom promised he'd arrange a clothesline in the bathroo. That was two years ago. ;-)

Coffee break
Resident Evil has been acting really strangely these past days. While rumours spread as fast as lightning over the newspaper, i've had a chance to sit down and have coffee with him.

One of those honest conversations, as much as a conversation between him and me can be honest. Some say he's about to leave but before he goes i'm going to try something.

I've been toying with an idea for a while now and after that coffee break i feel brave enough to present it. So Monday, here i come. I hope Resident and his entourage see the project the same way as i do.

It's funny how 15 minutes in your life can change your perspective. Or someone else's, for that matter.

Loving work
That's where i found the love of my life.
*wide grin*

Summer in the city
Some cities in the south of Spain will reach 40ºC today, the radio announced. The summer isn't even here yet so i wonder what will southeners do in the middle of july. Answer: Sleep siestas and make air conditioning their new religion. Mind you, in Madrid it'll be worst. We don't even have the beach to relax at.

I'll be working while everyone else goes on holidays, but i'll be the first to hit the beach. The memories of next week will linger on throughout the summer, i expect. I'll be swimming in the Mediterranean next Wednesday. And sunbathing. And writing at the beach. And not wanting to know anything else.

As for the rest of the summer, i'll be enjoying the newspaper's AC and taking a few days off every once in a while, trying to get everything ready for the biggest event of the year: Martin and Christian's landing in Europe. It's definetely going to be a different summer in the city this year.

The girl
There was a junkie in his forties sitting on the same wagon as me last night. It was a little after eleven and he was trying to talk to everybody on the subway.

He seemed nice in a very dopey kind of way, chatting about anything that crossed his mind. Beside him, a woman looking very much like an addict that has just taken a shot was dozing off, swinging her head.

On the knees of a woman, there was a girl. She was about ten years old. She wore a pink t-shirt and long, messy hair. She obviously didn't go to school this morning. She was too busy holding her mother's head, hugging her when she felt cold, and staring at her father while he spoke loudly to the people.

A hungarian couple got on and started playing the saxophone. The junkie got up and danced. The girl smiled, never letting her shivering mother go.

Play
I played throughout my childhood up to the age of 12. I was quite innocent and childish even as i started to join the preteen views of the world. I had my Barbies batallion, my Playmobil troupes, my table games, a tennis racket and tons of books.

But my favourite toy wasn't a toy. It was my bedroom. Copied from a decoration magazine circa 1982, my mother had decided to put my matress over a platform with big drawers, and then another platform making an angle, where i laid reading or making houses for my dolls. There were three tables with the inside shaped as a bridge and all the wooden furniture was painted in a mixture of red and pink.

I used to hide under the bridge-tables when my mother called out for dinner, shower or homework to be done. My friends liked my room the minute they strolled in. I loved it. I thank my mum for having me live in that fantasy room. And i thank Melanie for making me remember this.

Guess that tune
We miss the Friday Five, but we still have our Eight from the Eighties, don't we?

1) Do you be illin'?
Just don't get me started. Doctor's appointment next Tuesday for blood tests. Great way to start the day.

2) Who's simply the best? Better than all the rest?
It looks like F is my coolest friend this week, according to a tv show that i certainly won't miss. It's about new family models and i'm dying to see how he fits in there...

3) Do you want to party all the time, party all the time, party all the time?
Most of the times, when Resident Evil's plans for me aren't too stressful. Hell, i used to be a party animal not too long ago. I like to believe i still have my powers.

4) Are you a maniac?
I am when it comes to the Spanish team at the World Cup, yeaaaaaaaaaah!

5) Do you believe in spirits in the material world?
I love ghost stories. But i only believe in spirits when i'm not home alone!

6) I got my mind set on...
The beach. The sand. The water. The drinks with little umbrellas in them.

7) Do you love dirty laundry?
I'm a gossiper. Almost a professional one. You have been warned.

8) Say, say, say what you want.
I want to win the lottery. There. Said.

Life's a journey - not a destination
And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings

Rock
It is Saturday night, i'm home alone and Steve Tyler's voice is singing Rag Doll from the stereo. I can't remember the first time i heard an Aerosmith song. Probably the band just slipped into my music knowledge slowly over the years until one day i realized i could sing out the lyrics from a dozen of their tracks. What i do recall perfectly is the first time i related Aerosmith's music to Steve Tyler's face and the band's attitude.

It was the end of the winter of 1989 and i was living in a small town in the upper Quebec region. I was the foreing student in a cold house. I slept in a room in the basement, where i had a huge sitting room all to myself. I used to watch MusiquePlus for hours. At the time, the video from Janie's Got a Gun had come out and they played it at least five times a day.

That song is so powerful and brilliant you feel you're inside a film if you just close your eyes and listen carefully. Or you can let go and dance around the furniture, letting the music get you high. So it was no surprise that the video was a movie in itself. I never get tired of watching it, while my head nods and moves without my noticing.

I watched a show called MTV Icon tonight, featuring, of course, Aerosmith. It had a documentary about the band, live cover versions by Eminem, Kid Rock, Pink. Even Shakira, for God's sake. Thorough interviews with the group. A special piece on that amazing marriage between rock and rap that meant Walk this Way. It was the most intelligent and elegant music programme i've ever laid my eyes on.

Aerosmith have been playing for thirty years now. It is Saturday night, i'm home alone and Steve Tyler's voice is singing Rag Doll from the stereo.

Our South selves

This is South Tom

and this is South Uma

Which is your South you?
Show me!

Yesss!!!!
I'm not a football fan (that's soccer for American readers). I hardly follow the National League but a World Cup is different. I've always enjoyed cheering for Spain religiously, every four years. Last Sunday was no exception. Spain won.

This morning, i watched the next game. It's funny how the time differences made the whole country suffer and sing and yell for our team at the strange hour of 11 o'clock.

Well, i have to say it. It was fun. The entire time. I got nervous, i got angry, i jumped from my seat. I laughed, i disagreed with the referee and, for a few minutes, i thought our goalie was so good he couldn't be human. And we won Paraguay 3-1.

I surprise myself now wishing i could watch the Argentina-England match. I would cheer for Buenos Aires.

Gone
The 80's were bad for music all over the world, except in Spain. Many things changed during those years in this country, and music was definetely one of them.

Bands and solo artists found new perspectives and a wave of fresh creativity invaded the scene. There were excellent results and terrible songs, but i think it was a very important movement that still has effect on Spanish music nowadays.

Carlos Berlanga was one of the most important composers from that time. He also wrote lyrics, sang, painted and was a dandy in his own style. He died last night, at the age of 42.

We'll all miss him, even if we are not aware of it.

The doctor's in
The doctor wants me to take some blood tests, of course. The doctor loves people taking blood tests, just as some people adore going to the movies, singing in karaokes or the colour blue.

The doctor is nice and actually funny. He doesn't know what's wrong with me and he hopes i'm not depressed. Or anorexic. Or just not bearing the heat.

People are wearing jackets outside and i love eating, so we can rule all the aforementioned options out. There is just no energy in me. None. It's scary and very frustrating.

I'm full of life, but my body has decided not to notice. No like.

Three months
Lucía takes a nap close to her mother on a foggy afternoon at the neighbourhood. The picture was taken a week before she turned three months old.

Photos
I'm making an album of pictures and places i particularly love from this city, to send it over to my canadian friends before they arrive in september. The first part is finished and i'm already thinking of the second one. Also, i asked my friend Pau to lend me the slides he took back in the summer of 1996, during my last visit to Quebec, because I want to scan most of them.

Pau showed up with four boxes of slides and an undevelopped roll. He gave me a mischievous smile and begged for me to take it to the shop. "They're fine, i kept them in a safe place for six years", he laughed. The people from Kodak didn't share his opinion. They managed to take the pictures out, but they didn't want to place them in slides because the quality wasn't good enough for their standards. So now i have a roll with pictures, but no actual photographs.

I was sitting on the car while Tom was driving up to the Mountain Family House and i unrolled the film, recognizing an appartment in Montreal, some friends of Pau in Madrid and then about half a dozen or more photos i wasn't ready to see. A friend of mine, grinning at the camera, making fun of the photographer, laughing. I hated Pau momentarily for it was his film and i didn't have to be the one discovering this sweet, painful and unrepeatable moment.

Recharging needed
No energy today. Batteries incredibly low. I need some recharging...

Me me me
It was mum's birthday yesterday and we had dinner at The Mountain Family's garden. I got a shy suntan and showed it off hours later, at a girls dinner party. I walked home as the sun was rising over the city and it was so beautiful i smiled to myself. I'm hungover today and Tom is being sweet about it, while he watches (and i hear) the first match for Spain at the World Cup -thing are going well for now-.

And now, a few doses of me, me, me with this questionnaire i stole and shrunk from Sherry...

- What time do you wake up in the morning?
Around 11... Sue me!.

- What do you have for breakfast?
Two cups of coffee and maybe some cottage cheese. Plus a cigarrette. I really should quit.

- What would you hate to be left in a room with?
Bugs and unidentified noises.

- Who inspires you?
Lots of people, especially my closest friends but also some movies, this city, strangers...

- Beach or city?
I love cities. I love Madrid. But i'm dying to get to the beach! Here we come, Kurt, two weeks to go and we'll display our glamour all over Altea! Can't wait. ;-)

- Summer or winter?
Sorry: Spring and autumn.

- Favourite ice cream?
Vanilla. Did that sound too plain? Cookies and cream, then.

- Favourite color?
Red, pink, purple, green, black, blue.

- Favourite car?
I'll have a peach Audi TT to go, please. And you can throw in a little Smart while you're there...

- Favourite sandwich?
Cheese, ham, lettuce, tomato and mayo.

- True love?
And learning every day.

- What characteristics do you despise?
Arrogance and closed minds.

- Favourite flower?
Daisies, roses and lilies.

- Where would you retire to?
Québec city, methinks.

- Red or white wine?
I love red wine. With almost anything. Though a good Barbadillo can do the trick, too.

- What did you do for your last birthday?
I arranged a party with Fred (his bday is on the same date) at our local bar.

Alternative
The regular Friday Five seems to be down so i'm taking up Lester's superhero challenge!

1) If you could have any super power what would it be?
Given the hype, i'd be a cross between a Jedi Knight and Ursula the evil Queen of the Sea. I'd flash my laser to fight the sharks and my incredible hair do wouldn't even move...

2) Would you use your super power to help any poor schlep that needed it? Would you use it just to help your loved ones? Just for personal gain? Or for PURE EVIL?
I'd use it to get me places and for personal favours, of course. Ha ha ha! (still working on my mighty laugh...)

3) What would your one weakness be?
Sex and Dunkin Donuts.

4) Who would be your arch-nemesis? Why?
Resident Evil, of course, and people of his kind.

5) Flashy spandex costume and alter ego? Or everyday clothes and your own name?
I'll have two flashy costumes please and a cute matching hat. I'll be UMaBelievable... ;-)

Fading out
Looooooooooooooooooooong day, thank you very much. The Annual Book Fair opened this morning in Madrid and i covered it for the paper, with a digital video camera and a big silent sun by my side. Heat, excited children and the King. I wasn't any good with my first interactive report and i started feeling a strange pain in my legs so my mood wasn't very bright by lunch time.

Went to the Chilean place with Ona, Fred and Tom. Fred's been to London lately and he got me a beautiful edition of the last Harry Potter book so i got very excited thinking that i was finally going to finish the collection.

Back at work, i started fading out. People sitting next to me suddenly sounded very far away and my legs were really hurting me now. Plus, my video editing was a complete and utter mess. Not even good for a honeymoon trip home view. My moral came down as fast as my health. I'm back home, after dinner, slightly recovered but knowing the fading out will continue its process.