And then, something changed forever
My memory has always been the snobbest part of me. It remembers only the intense stuff and sometimes, not even that. So now that i realize this piece of huge truth, that something within me has changed forever, i also realize i can't place the moment when it happened. Is something gone? Has something arrived? What exactly has shifted here? I don't know.

But it's not (only) the obvious: Bruno. There is something more. Perhaps from earlier times. Maybe it's just a question of approach. Could it be a chain of decisions? A chain such as job changing, house moving, even the wedding planning... or should i move along the lines of being away from the intoxicated city, letting health into my life, staring into Baby's face and not knowing where the last hour went to. Something has changed forever. And i can't even write about that. Some things won't ever change.

Caption
Saturated (by Photoshop, not life) mother beams at whiter shade of pale baby wearing new beach hat. Tio Pepe painting by dad. Shot taken by mum before heading out the door.

Mind the gap
I'm finding it hard to write. I had never been so absorbed by anything as i am by Baby. He is my days and my nights, and therefore, there is no time for much else.

I like this job but i'm having trouble living with the fact that i can't type a full sentence without being interrupted. But it's not Baby's fault. It's not even the long sleepless hours. It's just that time has been digging a huge hole in my mind where ideas used to be.

The end of an era?

Baby is up to something
Bruno is a month old today. To celebrate it, i've taken him to his doctor's appointment, who tells me Baby might as well grow up to become a strong and certainly tall human being. His 'on demand' breastfeeding seems to be taking him far. Everything else is as fine as i was hoping: sleeping hours, reflexes, vision, hearing, socializing. He smiles with his eyes open now, giving you a pure and huge beaming face once in a while. It disarms us.

He can sleep in some of his three-month-size piyamas and he has already outgrown one of his bodysuits. He has a certain control over his hands, still not totally responding for his arms. He loves noisy toys and his new ostrich puppet. He's starting to fully enjoy his bath. His favourite place in the house is his changing table.

I call him muffin a lot. I still speak to him in English, 90% of the time, which i'm very proud of. He has some wild nights, especially around the sunrise hours, but his sleeping habits can be very good. Make that excellent if his bathtime is long enough. He calms down with music or lingering in his father's arms. He's turning into something. I don't know what, but he's doing it very fast.

Can't hide the colours
When you say green to me, i don't see hospital walls, summer flowers or the perfect turquoise of a Caribbean beach. You say green, and not even the famous Danish beer bottle comes to mind. Not a vase, not a frog, not even my bathrobe. Say green, like the boys and girls at the photofriday have said, and i come up with this.



Because i can barely hide my colours. I took this while strolling around Dublin a year and a half ago. Nothing says green more than that. Not to me. So there.

Things i'm telling you now

There are things you want to do when you turn 18. Goals you want to have accomplished by the time you reach 30. Stuff you'd like to get done before you die. Things you should do by next week. Books you want to read. Paintings you want to visit. Words you must never leave unspoken. Places you should visit. People you'd sleep with.

And then you stumble into a site that asks you the huge question: What Do You Want To Do With Your Life?. Among the 43 things you can list in this highly addictive page, here is my top ten. I never thought baking and writing a novel would be on the same list.

Write a book

Go to a midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show (in Manhattan)

Draw

Keep a garden

Learn to sing (crooner style)

Bake

Play in the sand (with my feet)

Be impulsive again

Scuba dive

Make ends meet (and then, get rich)

Here's the rest of my things

Random Monday Information (Just Because)

Eating: An apple and two diet cookies (no salt, no sugar, no cholesterol temptations... they actually taste all right).

Reading: Still at Tom Wolfe, but that's explained by the fact a 23 day old baby doesn't give you much time to read anyway.

Looking forward to: My walk with Bruno before the rain sets in.

Buying: My recent purchases include a 'Body Restructuring Post Partum Gel' (sic) and a Vichy Thermal lotion, as well as a beach pareo i got for Six's birthday.

Sensing: A headache on its way. And the rain is already taking places in the nearest cloud.

Listening: Silence. Johansen's disc is over (there's Bruno's lullaby) and all i hear is the soul of my laptop heating up.

Watching: An intriguing landscape from the studio's window.

Thinking: Trying to be coherent despite the usual lack of sleep (extensively mentioned over here).

Smelling: I can still catch the scent of baby B., all over my clothes, a perfect combination of bittersweet milk, Bvlgari's cologne and his own essence.

Announcing: There's a new girl in town. Let's all get in line and follow her.

Space



The space between. The space around. The space in a city in Portugal. The space and the time (a winter day, right before noon, once upon a time). 'Space' was this week's challenge at the Photo Friday. Space it.

Summer preview
The weekend was very family-oriented, full of sunshine and a lot of Bruno, of course. Yesterday we had a picnic for around 20 people at the new Mountain Family home.
There was a lot of food, a lot of wine, a lot of children treats.
There was a wooden bench on the grass, great for breastfeeding 'on demand'.
There was a covered swimming pool (in no time, boys and girls, shall we be practicing our diving styles) and a baby pram.
There were multicoloured blankets to eat and indulge in siesta.
Everything looked like a hilfiger add. Or a detergent one.
There was family, there were friends, and a little girl called Rosa.
There was the perfect weather and a mosquito net to protect baby, but baby preferred to snooze elsewhere under a tree.
It was a perfect afternoon, full preview of what the summer could possibly have in store for us.

At the other blog...
"Just staring at those cheeks could eat up my entire day. At nights, i actually stare at the cheeks. And i touch the hands, to check the temperature. And i hold him tight, pretending to myself that it will soothe him. And i feed him every time he asks. Which brings us back to the cheeks."
More here.

And you may want to see a proof of public breastfeeding. Hurray for spring.

Mountain Fairytale
The Mountain Family is moving into a fairytale house closer to where we live. This could perhaps make them the Fairytale Family but i'm pretty sure my sister and co. wouldn't like the new title. They'll only accept Flodder-like descriptions.

The fairytale house has a massive garden, a swimming pool, a terrace where you could play professional basketball and as many bedrooms as in The Shining. The kitchen has an industrial look that kills me and the M&m's will find a new hiding spot around the house every day for the next three years.

They are signing the deal today. And for that, my friend, i'll have a sip of wine. My breastfeeding can handle a toast, right?

He smells like an imaginary landscape
I'm a pool of baby talk. Adult conversations shall stand by in this blog for the time being. My mind is here.