A long hard look at it
So much hope is devoted to the upcoming year again. It happens all the time, especially right after Christmas Day. We are all planning on being merrier, lighter, louder, richer, brighter, more generous, more organized, more together. I am one of them, too.

2004 will bring up a whole bunch of new fairies that will take us to places we always wanted to go but never knew they existed. I'm hoping. I'm waiting. So are you.

2003 has been a very important year for me. The time of coming to terms with myself. The year i made the most vital decisions about life. The collection of months in which i took my heart out for the first time and gave a long hard look at it. I did the same with other parts of my body. And soul. I'm ready for the next step now. Finally.

I'll be away in lovely Portugal for the next week. See you in January. Happy 2004. Don't forget to drink you old self in a champagne glass on the 31st. Good luck with your choice of clothes, company and lipstick on the longest night. May the fairies assist you when you need them most.

Have a good one
The sun is out today, there are parking spaces available at certain streets in my neighbourhood, the christmas lights on Gran Vía look different this year and i can wear a beautiful hat if i want to go out.

Merry Ambivalent Xmas, boys and girls.

Holy shit.
I'm 30 today.

Touched
I told you fairy powder was floating around these days.

Who would take two large jars, fill them with the best jelly sweets one can think of, add three extremely interesting american novels, a bizarre magazine and ten chocolate bars, all with different designs and tastes, mix it all in a box and top it off with this?

Only Kurt could. Only Kurt did. 22.000 calories in Uma's first 30th birthday present. What can i say. I'm extremely touched.

Bits and pieces
A selected postcard collection of some few happy moments in lovely Dublin. It was cold, it was decorated and it was more or less what i expected. Sometimes you shouldn't ask for anything more than that.

Happy countdown.

Souvenirs
I brought back some sweets, a couple of books and a nice strong cold from Dublin. The funny thing is I didn't have to pay for any excess luggage.

All I want now is a bed and some time to clear my head, clean my apartment and get a grip on my life. All I want is a small miracle before I turn 30.

Towards the end
Last day in Dublin. The streets in the city centre were crowded and silent at the same time this morning. I got a few things, but lack of cash and time still leave me desperatly seeking for my Christmas presents.

A walk through St. Stephen's Green brought the fairies back into the day. Last day before going back to the true winter, back home, back to a welcoming reality. So many things to do, to buy, to ask, to say.

So many questions still floating around. Last day. And i'm coming down with a middle-to-big cold. I have a runny nose and i'm shaking. But my new hero, Mr. Bree, went silver today, and that made the entire afternoon worth the sneeze. The entire afternoon of my last day in Dublin.

After all, we'll always have fairies
I hear the fairies hissing around us everywhere.

They make their wings twirl and twist through the cables of the Christmas decorations on the chilly streets of Dublin. I see them wink at babies on strollers, steal baking powder from patisseries. They do little dance routines hiding behind tv sets all over the world. You know they're there to make your day not-too-bad or to have your boyfriend get you the right size of ankle-strap shoes.

It's the xmas feeling, finally kicking into my stomach and my knees.

After all, look at the time: the holidazzle season is almost here. After all, i'm in Ireland, where fairies rule your life, admit it or not. After all, i'm hitting 30, and i have an urge to go back to the time of believing in fairies. After all, if you don't have a fairy near you, it's probably because you are probably one of them already.

You can't fight this season back. Some of us have tried. But we can't. So instead of moaning and bitching and getting all depressed, i suggest we take it easy and flap our wings.

Related links:

The book

The song

The children's story

The film

In the middle of the trip
Uma is tired. I can tell just by looking at the mirror.

She is very tired and she needs a huge rest, but she won't get one in a long time, so she shrugs, she smiles and she goes on.

Uma is dying to give you all the Dublin details from her trip, but she's still in the middle of it so she'll probably wait until she gets back.

Have a good weekend. Uma will be getting up at six again til Monday. A cuppa tea, anyone?

A particular atmosphere
I missed Marilyn Manson last night, but it was probably worth it.

I made friends with a ten month old toddler on the subway this morning. I still don't know if it was a boy or a girl but he/she certainly was in a good mood for the early hour.

I got to the office and found my hotmail account full of messages urging me to find a dream date.

Strange days and blurred nights in these first steps of December.

Everyone seems to be rather excited around here. It's Friday and nobody works on Monday, so the atmosphere smells of big projects, improvised parties and long sleeping hours.

This last part is what I intend to do as soon as I see my bed again. I'll dream of the toddler grabing my coat on the subway, while Manson's 'Tainted Love' cover plays on the back of my mind.

So long, my children. I'll be in lovely green Dublin next week and I'm not sure if there'll be any time for blabbing my ambivalences.

You shall all be deeply missed.

Diving into 2004
Long cocktail dresses on every window of every shop in the city. Boys dressed up as old snobs running around on the metro just after midnight. Bars overcharging their poisonous drinks and music roaring out onto the streets. I hate New Year's Eve.

What if we skip the whole scenario again? What if i miss the noise, the crazy traffic, the cold search for a taxi. What if i let my family grab me, stick me into a car and take me to the beach? What if?

The Mountain Family hits the Coast for New Year's. It looks like i'll dive into 2004 from the shore of Portugal, boys and girls. What a brilliant way to wash all the bad memories away. What a great way to jump start the year.

'Forget everything and take one'
It looks like i'm being sponsored somewhere over the ocean... ;-)

Unbroken promise
She had recently cut her long red hair. She was 13 years old. I had just turned 14. She was at her beautiful house 10 minutes away from where i was staying (nanna's home), with Chocolate the horse as her next door neighbour and neverending green fields wherever you looked.

She called me on that Friday night. She cancelled our night out. My first true night out, ever. I was so disappointed i couldn't control my voice. Again, i was 14.

I told her she'd never see me again. And she hasn't, but that's just another twisted turn in life. I never thought i'd keep that threat. Be careful with the promises you make.

I don't think i'll be able to see my long lost cousin on this trip, my first back to Ireland after sixteen years. I don't think i'll have much free time to do anything, really. But it's a start. And i love starting.

P.S.: Happy birthday to the red haired girl, who turns 29 today. Wow, doesn't time fly you by?

Washed out
I went to the theatre this weekend with an undisclosed friend who wishes to remain anonymous.

We laughed so much I managed to forget there is anything sad at all around me. He took me to a nice and smelly bar and introduced me to his pals. Then we danced our lives out at Huertas. We ended up in Sol, where Brazilian beats kept us happy.

I ran into some friends at that club. One of them looked washed out and had dark shadows inside his eyes. He had split up with his girlfriend.

I felt like no one should believe in love anymore, after this news. That couple had it. They had the romantic story, they had a line of eleven years backing them up, they had passion, they had a lot of problems left behind.

I told him I was sorry. I am sorry. He gave me a disturbing smile. I hugged him. He tried to dance but it was obvious he felt out of rhythm with the world.