Write about writing
Not writing this journal does not keep me away from it.

I signed up for a creative writing workshop that began last Monday, erroneously convinced it was about how to express private feelings (aren't all feelings private?) when you're writing an essay, a novel or an epic poem. Five minutes after the class had begun i realized it was about the journal as a genre.

At first, i thought it didn't make much sense. Then the teacher -Argentinean novelist Alan Pauls- mentioned weblogs. "Anyone can keep an online journal", he said.

Wow. I am aware that what i write here is part of my life and thus applies as a private journal, but i've always thought that the fact that neither you (in most cases) nor me use our real names, the lack of personal details in the entries and the use of a foreign language when i write prevents me from considering Ambivalence a "Dear Diary" object.

When i started writing here, a few years ago, i tried to get into one of those meme threads, the kind that gives you stuff to write about (i.e.: Wednesday, the theme is people that have made an impression in your life). My general idea was to have an excuse to write more, as an exercise. Yes, i was actually looking for homework. But, alas, most of these threads dismissed me because Ambivalence "is more a weblog than a journal". Their criteria was... length (!). If you write short sentences and short entries, it's apparently not as personal as if you go on and on forever -like i'm doing right now.

I haven't written much in Ambivalence since Monday because i was discussing journals too much. I knew that sitting at the computer would instantly bring back all the words floating in my head from the workshop.

I would think about the way i tend to close my entries by returning to the beginning (circular writing?), or the fact that my journal is meant to be read and even has a window for comments from friends and strangers.

I would also think about the guy in class who gave up writing in his journal because he became his journal, because he started living his life thinking at all times how he'd translate every single experience into his notebook.

I would think about my ego and the reasons i started writing here anyway.

I would think about the people who know me and have discovered me through my journal.

I would think about the importance i give to different pieces of information. Politics. Sport. Fashion. Personal life. Money. Music. Cinema.

Well, i got it out of my system now. Time to continue with Ambivalence.

Comments:

I do not have a blog. Yet. And, well... I have some posts, lots of'em, already ready to be published. I've got a blogspot site too. But Ambivalence is SO good (so fckng good!) that I think that trying to compete, trying to be that good, that perfect, would be ridiculous.

Get it?

keep on writing Uma B. Talented Grrrrl.

# posted by kurt : 15:56

I can't believe what you said. Isn't it funny that i have that same 'white jelausy' impression every single time i read one of your e-mails? I cannot wait for that blog to come out, Kurt. Just can't.

# posted by uma b. : 10:47

www.kurtonline.blogspot.com

# posted by kurt : 14:58

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